Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Post Baby Sex

I am going to be somewhat clinical with sexual descriptions, so don’t read it if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable.

If you’re not a mom, this post probably won’t interest you. I know, I know, that could apply to a lot of my posts lately.

You know how most women experience a drop in their sex drives after giving birth? I know about this because every other mom tells me about it. All the books and magazines say that is what will happen, so that’s what they offer advice on. The TV shows geared towards mothers have groups of women sitting around, commiserating on their frustrated husbands and how they just “don’t feel like it”.

This is so not me. Not me at all. I had my sex drive back in full force two weeks after giving birth. We were counting the days until the 6 week waiting period was over.

Six weeks arrived, Husband and I were thrilled and leaped into bed!

Holy Hell it hurt!

I had 3 episiotomies when I had Sam. For those who are not moms, decided to read this anyway, and don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s the definition.

It hurt before there was even any penetration at all. Just the slightest amount of pressure sent spasms of pain through me. My Beloved climbed off and said “I am not going to do this if it hurts you!”

I assured him it was probably just initial contact pain, and urged him to keep going. He looked skeptical, and pressed slightly against my labia with his hand...excruciating. “Nope. You’re not ready.” he said.

His fear was that something wasn’t totally healed yet and we could tear open what should be closed. He was right, though admitting it was unbearable.

I talked to my doctor, and she said that sadly, with the difficulty of the birth, it may be longer than average before my body catches up to my libido.

We decided that maybe we were putting too much emphasis on the importance of it. We didn’t need an hour, or romantic crap. Emotional pressure could make it harder, and less likely that there would be a "perfect" moment.

Two and a half weeks ago Sam was fed, clean and content so I put him in his playpen and Husband and I took ten minutes to ourselves. It was brief, I was insistent that we push past the pain (which is no longer intolerable, but it’s still bad). It was nice, but the pain was a huge downer. I was unable to have an orgasm for the first time ever. That was really rough for both of us.

I don’t want to use a numbing agent because then I won’t be able to feel anything! I guess I could go the wine and painkillers route, but that’s another sensory stifler.

What I really want is someone who understands. A woman who understands. I know plenty of sexually frustrated guys, but this really calls for someone with a vagina. That and I don’t think any of the guys I know would be comfortable with this discussion.

So where are the moms with sex drives that are going crazy with the constant reigning in?

Please, someone tell me I am not alone out here!

Advice would be a big help, too.


Blogger dillyweed said...

It totally gets better. Those first few times are tough, but each gets better. I had to call a good friend after I had my son and get some reassurance that I wouldn't be in tears every time from then on. She was right. You'll be alright.
And thanks for your candor. I enjoy your posts like this one.

2:07 AM  

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