Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Post Baby Sex

I am going to be somewhat clinical with sexual descriptions, so don’t read it if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable.

If you’re not a mom, this post probably won’t interest you. I know, I know, that could apply to a lot of my posts lately.

You know how most women experience a drop in their sex drives after giving birth? I know about this because every other mom tells me about it. All the books and magazines say that is what will happen, so that’s what they offer advice on. The TV shows geared towards mothers have groups of women sitting around, commiserating on their frustrated husbands and how they just “don’t feel like it”.

This is so not me. Not me at all. I had my sex drive back in full force two weeks after giving birth. We were counting the days until the 6 week waiting period was over.

Six weeks arrived, Husband and I were thrilled and leaped into bed!

Holy Hell it hurt!

I had 3 episiotomies when I had Sam. For those who are not moms, decided to read this anyway, and don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s the definition.

It hurt before there was even any penetration at all. Just the slightest amount of pressure sent spasms of pain through me. My Beloved climbed off and said “I am not going to do this if it hurts you!”

I assured him it was probably just initial contact pain, and urged him to keep going. He looked skeptical, and pressed slightly against my labia with his hand...excruciating. “Nope. You’re not ready.” he said.

His fear was that something wasn’t totally healed yet and we could tear open what should be closed. He was right, though admitting it was unbearable.

I talked to my doctor, and she said that sadly, with the difficulty of the birth, it may be longer than average before my body catches up to my libido.

We decided that maybe we were putting too much emphasis on the importance of it. We didn’t need an hour, or romantic crap. Emotional pressure could make it harder, and less likely that there would be a "perfect" moment.

Two and a half weeks ago Sam was fed, clean and content so I put him in his playpen and Husband and I took ten minutes to ourselves. It was brief, I was insistent that we push past the pain (which is no longer intolerable, but it’s still bad). It was nice, but the pain was a huge downer. I was unable to have an orgasm for the first time ever. That was really rough for both of us.

I don’t want to use a numbing agent because then I won’t be able to feel anything! I guess I could go the wine and painkillers route, but that’s another sensory stifler.

What I really want is someone who understands. A woman who understands. I know plenty of sexually frustrated guys, but this really calls for someone with a vagina. That and I don’t think any of the guys I know would be comfortable with this discussion.

So where are the moms with sex drives that are going crazy with the constant reigning in?

Please, someone tell me I am not alone out here!

Advice would be a big help, too.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Today I realized...

...at almost 4months old my baby is becoming too big for his cradle.

Cradles have side walls, but they're lower than cribs, so once he can pull himself up into a sitting position, he can fall out.

He has to move to the crib.

Which means that he won’t be sleeping in our room anymore, because there is no way the crib can fit in our bedroom.

Which means that I will not be able to wake up in the middle of the night and look at his cherubic face, place my hand on his little round belly and marvel at how warm and soft and small he is.

After this realization I burst into tears.

I know this was partly brought on by visiting my friend and her son. I remember when she was pregnant with him, and now he walks and talks. He isn't a baby anymore. He is a little boy. It seems to have happened overnight.

I'm getting teary again.

I always thought I would be cool about this. I would be nothing but thrilled with every milestone. I would never want to hold my kids back, but...

...but I want my baby.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Mother's Day

I tried to reflect on what Mother’s Day means to me now that I am one, but I was pretty freaking tired at 1 am. I haven't taken medication for my insomnia since Sam was born, because he wakes up a couple of times during the night, and I want to be alert for that. Now that his sleep time is stretching out longer and longer, though, I think I'll have to go back. I have Husband snoring on my left and Baby snoring on my right. Not conducive to slumber.

Last year on Mother’s Day, Beloved got me a card telling me that I would be a wonderful mother someday. I was pregnant then, but we didn’t know it yet.

This year he made me a card with photographs of us with Sam, bought me a bouquet of daisies and yellow rosebuds, lots of Reese’s Big Cups (chocolate peanut butter goodness) and is making me a carrot cake (my favorite).

The television commercials for Mother’s Day gifts are nearly as crazy as Christmas (though with not as long a run). Jewelry, flowers, clothes, any sort of “feminine” gift is forced into our faces, working on our affections (and guilt if we were born with rather large heads). Ah, consumerism.

I had the whole day to do whatever I wanted, which was merely to be with Beloved and Baby.

So there were no fancy gifts, and it was perfect. Had my husband gotten me a diamond necklace, or a giant basket of pricey fragranced things and not woken me up gently at 10.30 am with a card placed on the pillow beside me and spent the entire day doting on me, it would not have been nearly as special. Not even close.

To anyone this applies to: Happy Belated Mother’s Day!

Wet Worcester Weather

It has been raining for days in New England. My son and I have both been cranky, unable to go to the park, and not too keen to run errands in the dank gray outside. I’ve taken him to the mall just so I can get some exercise and he can look at different colored lights. I know we need the rain, and we had a very dry April, I'm just saying...ugh.

We drove by Elm Park, and the pond was brimming. All the geese were flapping around the park. It looked like they were celebrating.

"HONK HONK! The people are gone! It is all ours! Victory, my brothers! HONK HONK!"

My moods have always been heavily affected by weather, it’s very strange. I mean, I know a lot of people who feel down when it rains, but I once had a panic attack when it snowed in April.

I’m a freak.

(and other thoughts of Tuesday)

I read something that may interest my comic book buddies. “Comic Books” have always had a bad rap amongst the majority of educators, but that is starting to change.

Here’s the Newsweek piece.

I was happy to see The Babysitters Club getting a graphic novel adaptation (that's visible in the magazine, not the internet version) I loved those books when I was in elementary school. It was nice to read about girls who were neither the plastic, perfect teens Hollywood likes to dish out, or deeply angst ridden waifs who were just as unrealistic to me.

I think so many students could benefit from a lot of topics graphic novels cover. I would love to see a high school class discuss Watchmen, or the Sandman series.

There is an entire graphic novel section in my home library, and while some are not appropriate for my son to read yet (He can read Strange Embrace in high school, not before),some (a slightly water damaged New Frontier) will be an enjoyable part of his childhood reading. I hope.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day

Thank you, Wife, for squeezing ten pounds of Son out of your vagina. It sure looked painful!

Thank you, Mama, for offering your breasts as chewing gum for me. Just because I have no teeth doesn’t mean I can’t bite!

I'll have more profound stuff later. I'm too tired now.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I know how lucky I am.

Husband and I ran the numbers a couple of months ago and realized that I had to go back to work part time. I mean, I'd go back to work if I wanted to, but I'd like my work to be my writing...it's just not paying work right now. We also realized that we can't afford daycare, so I would have to work weekends, when Husband could be home to watch Sam. Kind of sucks, as I would almost never see my Beloved, but you do what you have to. I sent out résumés, had a couple of interviews.

Turns out we don't have to now. Husband's job ran its numbers and figured out he could finally get his long overdue raise, which is easily twice what I could make. It also figured out that I could do some freelancing for them now and then.

I get to stay home with my son, work on my children's books, and still see Husband nights and weekends.

So many mothers don't have this option. Mothers who want to work, typically aren't as barred as mothers who don't want to work. Working mothers can get nannies, baby sitters, daycare. Mothers who don't want to work can't get money.

So I give thanks for Husband's company, the freedom to be both mother and writer, and the extra money that will come in occasionally.

My life is really great right now.

Thursday, May 04, 2006