Friday, March 31, 2006

They Two

Wherever I am, there's always Pooh, there's always Pooh and me. Whatever I do, he wants to do; 'Where are you going today?' says Pooh, 'Well that's very odd, cos I was too. Lets go together' says Pooh, says he, 'Let's go together' says Pooh.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Muh! Muh!*

He fell asleep in his swing while I did the dishes. When he woke up he had a messy diaper and he was sobbing.

I picked him up right away and put him on the changing table, kind of running on diaper autopilot. He was still wailing, and when I looked up, he was reaching for me.

He’d never done that before. I realized that he didn’t want to be changed, he wanted his Mama to hold him. Me.

I got pretty teary at this point and scooped him up, snuggling his fuzzy little head under my chin. His crying slowed down to wet little gulps, then he sighed.

It was the first time I felt that he recognized me as Mama. I wasn’t sure if he realized that I was more than walking food.

After about five minutes of rocking, Sam started fidgeting...turns out he did need to be changed.

*I am not so delusional as to think that my 2 month old is talking. I know he’s not saying “Mama” when he makes that sound.

Monday, March 20, 2006

I Can't Stand Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise (allegedly) refused to promote Mission Impossible 3 if Comedy Central (Comedy Central and Paramount Pictures are both part of Viacom) re-aired the episode of South Park mocking Scientology.

Comedy Central is not going to re-air the episode of South Park mocking Scientology.

I hope M.I. 3 tanks in the box office. I hope Parker and Stone release some sort of statement. I don't always like South Park. There have been episodes that I have found quite upsetting, but no matter what, I like that they do what they do.

I wasn't planning on seeing the movie, but now I really, really want to encourage people to boycott it.

I really really wish Tom Cruise would shut up. He has absolutely so sense of humor.


Monday, March 13, 2006

8:30pm, Monday.

I put Sam to bed while Husband was in the bathroom. He went in to say goodnight when he got out. Over the baby monitor, I heard him lean over the bassinette, and coo “I love you, Sam. I love you. I love you.”, then a series of baby kissing sounds.

I thought I was going to cry.

My husband is not by nature emotionally outgoing. My immediate family is, very much so. When he and I first started dating (and occasional lapses since then) I worried that less demonstration meant less love. Now I know that's not the case. He's also gotten more unconstrained during our relationship’s progression, so we’ve reached a nice balance.

Parenthood changes people. I knew that, but I didn’t think it would change him this much.

It’s not just tonight, either. Husband becomes almost unrecognizable when he holds our son. He gets this dreamy look in his eyes and rubs his nose against Sam’s übersoft cheeks. He holds Sam’s delicate fingers and peppers them with little kisses, making those “I’m pretending to eat you up” smacking sounds. It’s so beautiful.

I am newly in love with My Beloved, by seeing him in love with our son.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Someone color blind...*

I'm sure someone else has thought of this, and put it out online, but it
hit me that the mostly Conservative, Republican states are known as
the "Red" states, while the mostly Liberal, Democratic states are
the "Blue" states.

Who decided these colors? I hear "Red" and think Communist.

I do not associate Conservative Republicans with Communism.

Quite the opposite.

Whoever chose them must have had a good sense of humor.

"Hee hee hee...let's make the Conservatives Commie color,
and see if anyone notices!"

I still get confused when a politician is called "Red" by a pundit or other media person. I have to listen to the whole news brief or read the whole blurb to figure it out.

I'm just saying, is all.

* but then they'd probably be Dark Blue and Light Blue States.

Old, Up and Just Plain Growing.

My husband got the invitation to his 10th high school reunion, forcing me to realize that mine is just a year away.

I don't know if I want to go.

Two of my friends have attended theirs in this past year. They said it seemed everyone was either a. trying to prove that they haven't changed at all since high school or b. trying to prove that they have changed completely from who they were in high school.

I am not in touch at all with anyone from high school. I have two friends left over from my pre-college years. One from elementary school and one from middle school.

High school wasn't bad for me. It was okay. I spent most of it waiting for important things to happen. Things that would define who I really was (the things that happen in college and beyond).

My friends were a pretty cool bunch of kids. By that I do not mean that we were "cool" in the cliqued sense. We were those kids who were smart without being branded as "nerds", liked without being "popular", quirky and individual without being "weird". We all liked us fine.

I did feel, though, that there was a very large part of me that they never understood. I suppose it was because I was still trying to understand myself. I couldn't expect other people to, least of all people who were preoccupied with growing into their own adult selves.

Things changed around my sophomore year of college. I was working constantly with classes and theater, and pretty much allowed my social life to starve to death. This was particularly tough as I was dating and became engaged to my Beloved. My high school friends blamed my boyfriend for my lack of communication, didn't understand that it was a greater passion that was eating me up. The theater as Mistress, can take more than she gives (there's your icky poetical phrase for the day).

My friends didn't understand. They got really pissed off. They stopped talking to me.

I missed them for a while...and then I didn't anymore. I felt guilty for a while...that ended, too. The last few visits home had felt different. We had less in common, and weren't sure how to deal with that. I got distant, they got angry, but it was organic. We would have drifted apart eventually, that I do know. Hopefully it would have been under more amiable circumstances.

I do wonder how they are. I heard my old boyfriend got married, and that's terrific, because he was such a sweet, supportive guy. I heard one of my best girlfriends went to Africa to study archaeology, and that is awesome. She was always one of the smartest chicks in our class. She had a really cool hippie mom, and a great, sarcastic sense of humor. I did hear, unfortunately, about one girl's unhappy marriage, about another's unhealthy series of relationships. There's one friend I have heard nothing about, but something in my gut tells me she's doing fine. She was always very laid back, very mellow, always herself. She went through high school with a Mona Lisa smile, and the knowledge that she was okay and always would be.

When the invite comes for me, do I really want to go?

I don't think I do. I wish them well, but I don't feel the need for any sort of closure, and to be honest, the rest of the people I went to school with, I don't really care to see.

Huh. I started this post to talk about how old I felt, seeing that invite for the class of 1996.

I don't feel old anymore. Yes, thirty looms ahead, and I have a husband and child, but I don't feel old.

I think I just feel like an adult.

I’m cool with that.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Another baby posting...tired of them yet?

I don’t want to be one of those women who cannot talk about anything but her children. I could talk about the recent Dick Cheney hunting thing (and maybe I will, later). I do have conversations about other things, with my husband, mostly. Thankfully I have not become one of those wives who refer to their husbands as “Daddy” all the time. So far, I have only called him “Daddy” when talking directly to Sam.

Having made the above statements, I am now going to talk about my child.

He’s amazing. All this kid does is sleep, fill diapers, chew on my breasts, stick out his tongue and wiggle (between writing this post and publishing it, he pushed himself up with his arms during tummy time...Husband and I freaked out) .

He fell asleep on my chest the other day and I started to cry. He’s so small and soft and warm. His little back was slowly going up and down as he breathed and I was overwhelmed with how much love I feel for this little tiny person. This little tiny person that my husband and I made. He blows my mind.