Thursday, September 08, 2005

Red Spot

There was this spotting...I called the doctor and she asked if I could leave work and come right in.

I wasn't really worried until then.

My very good friend from college had a miscarriage a few days ago. It started with a few red spots.

I was terrified. I left work. Tried to speak without shaking.

Husband wasn't picking up his cell phone. Called his office, made them get him. He said he wanted to come with me.

Drove to the doctor's office, tears blurring my vision.

I wanted so badly to be able to stop thinking. Of everything I've eaten, every box I've lifted, every awful possibility.

Sam, if you don't die, I'll always let you open your birthday presents before we eat.

Sam, please don't do this to Mommy and Daddy. Please, we love you so much.

Please please please, God, don't take him. Don't take my son. You have so many babies, please don't take mine.

I clutched my Husband's hand as we waited for the doctor.

Apparently some bleeding is common during pregnancy.

Why the FUCK didn't any of the books tell me that?!

She gave me a thorough exam anyway.

Nothing's wrong. Nothing seems to be wrong anyway. His heartbeat is strong. Cervix is closed.

All other parts functioning as they should be.

Husband and I gave massive sighs of relief. Thank you God.

I told Husband that now we have to let him open his birthday presents before he eats, now.

Husband laughed.


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