Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Heavy Things

It's almost 3 am, so I am not going to be eloquent. Sorry.

Since taking my few weeks vacation from this blog, I have decided to move back to Massachusetts, had two panic attacks, discussed divorce with my husband, and, on Tuesday morning, spent seven hours laying on a gurney with my head in one of those heinously uncomfortable neck braces.

In the ambulance I was stuck FIVE times so they could get a little blood to test my blood sugars (I have mild hypoglycemia). They were low...dangerously low.

They asked me in the ambulance if I had been going through any stress lately. Little bit, yeah.

Oooh, want to hear the cutest thing? As I was passing out in the grocery store, my husband was a few towns away passing out in a Dunkin Donuts! They put our stretchers next to each other in the ER. Awwww...

My husband and I are not getting divorced. At least, we hope not. Lately we have realized that our relationship has become entirely focused on his illness. We weren’t communicating. We were lost as far as plans for our future, and though we were positive that yes, we do love each other very, very much, we could no longer remember why. When we weren’t silent, we were fighting and crying and alone on our sides of the bed, frightened that I may get so crazy depressed I'll just run of to Vegas with the next green-eyed smooth talker that comes along.

That "Vegas" bit was an exaggeration.

We're going to seek counseling, and make spending non hospital related time together every week a priority. I'm actually going to be working for his company even more, which makes me a tad nervous. I do not want to be an employee of his, but it is only temporary, and if things start getting worse, relationship-wise, I'll quit (working for him).

I am calling my doctor, because this panic attack thingie (related to the blood sugar thingie) is getting me a little nervous. Two episodes in as many weeks is really rare.

We're looking at houses/apartments in the Worcester area. I really, really love Providence, but it makes much more sense to move. We'll be closer to our doctors, closer to his company.

I close with a gushing. A gushing that the subject will probably hate.

Sam Costello is one of the reasons I love Providence so much. He saved my husband's life at least once, and on numerous occasions has dropped everything to come to the rescue of my Beloved and myself. Today, for instance, he went gathering up the cars Husband and I left in parking lots at two separate ends of Rhode Island. He is a man of soothing rationale, unconditional love, and limitless generosity. Everyone go read his blog and tell him how wonderful he is. Or don't. He'll probably hate hearing that he's wonderful. He takes my showers of affection with eye rolling. I think he prefers it when I flip him off.

That's a crappy closing.'s this...?

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.


Blogger Dr. Pauly said...

Feel better soon. I hope things turn around for you.

10:25 PM  

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